he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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