keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I wear drunk well.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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