i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
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my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
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You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Someone shattered a urinal.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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