Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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