Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize