tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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