When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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