dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize