i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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