fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize