I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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