I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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