we have officially lost it.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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