I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize