if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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