she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
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Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
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Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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