porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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