Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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