We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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