Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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