so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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