Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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