garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just saw a hot homeless man
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
