I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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