I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize