there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
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I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
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When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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