I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
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My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
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I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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