im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize