Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize