My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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