yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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