i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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