i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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