he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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