Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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