I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
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She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
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I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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