Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize