update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
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True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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