Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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