I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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