i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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