even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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