We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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