I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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