i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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