So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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