My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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