hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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