haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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