At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
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hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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