She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
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I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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