i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
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You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
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That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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